A Bengali wedding is a visual feast, a symphony of vibrant colors and enchanting rituals that unfold, beginning with the auspicious date selection and culminating in the grand reception. Each chapter of this celebratory saga outshines the previous, infusing joy into the very air you breathe.
Nestled in the heart of Bengal, or if you find yourself bound for a Bengali marriage celebration, prepare to embark on a journey through a tapestry of traditions and cultural nuances waiting to be discovered. Brace yourself for a week-long revelry that will awaken your senses to the festive spirit inherent in every Bengali festivity.
Amidst the swirl of festivities, a Bengali wedding is a heartfelt display that evokes love and sentiment from the deepest recesses of your soul. The fervent anticipation of participating in or observing a Bengali wedding is a universal sentiment, but have you ever pondered what stokes this profound appeal? The mystique lies in their time-honoured rituals and customs.
Celebrating unity, culture, and ancestral legacy, Bengali weddings are an intricate mosaic, threading together indelible memories of joyous traditions and age-old customs. Each ceremony is not merely an event but a spectacle that captivates the senses and leaves all who witness it mesmerized. Indeed, the bride’s and groom’s regalia are not just garments; they are the embodiment of tradition, weaving threads of beauty to adorn their natural grace and majesty.
1. Ashirbad (Blessing)
The journey to marriage in Bengali culture is adorned with heartfelt customs that knit families together even before the exchange of vows. Once a wedding date is set in stone, it catalyzes a beautiful tradition known as ‘Aashirbaad‘ – unique to Bengali engagements and mirrored in essence though not in form to the engagement ceremonies one might find elsewhere. The two families traverse the threshold of each other’s homes, not just as guests, but as bearers of blessings for the soon-to-be-wed couple. It’s a time imbued with emotion, as the bride and groom are regaled not with rings but with treasures of a different kind Saree and jewellery. Accompanying these are the symbolic fish, betel leaves, betel nuts, and curd – each an emblematic gesture signifying the auspicious beginnings in the Bengali wedding narrative.
2. Ai Buro Bhaat (last meal of Bachelor’s Life)
The pre-wedding feast is known as Aiburobhat. This cherished tradition is akin to a familial farewell to the bachelor and bachelorette life for the soon-to-be bride and groom. On the eve of their wedding, within the comforting walls of their childhood homes, they sit down for a meal that is laden with love, nostalgia, and a bevy of scrumptious Bengali delicacies. This final meal at home is more than a collection of favorite recipes—it’s a narrative of care, a capsule of memories, and an unwritten bond between the individual and their familial roots. Aiburobhat is an unforgettable part of the Bengali matrimonial saga.
3. Holud Kota & Dhan Kota
The Haldi ceremony stands out with its unique customs and collective merriment. This ceremonial preparation, occurring a day before the nuptials, involves a sacred number—five, seven, or nine—symbolizing good fortune, with all numbers being auspiciously odd. Only married women participate in this ritual, their wisdom and marital success lending blessings to the soon-to-be-wed couple. With the crack of dawn as their witness, these women embark on creating a lustrous Haldi paste. Armed with grinding stones and turmeric sticks, they unveil the deep hues of yellow that come to symbolize purity, fertility, and prosperity.
The central figure among them, known endearingly as the ‘ayo,’ commands the grinding process, while others, with heartfelt camaraderie, support her by holding hands or anchoring her elbow, ensuring every turn of the stone is a communal endeavor. This part of the ritual, affectionately termed ‘Holud Kota,’ captures the essence of togetherness that Bengali weddings celebrate. Equally important to the ceremony is the ‘Dhan Kota,’ where the same group of women expertly grinds rice into fine powder. This ingredient, alongside the Haldi, plays an indispensable role during the actual Haldi event. It’s not merely the physical act of grinding the ingredients but also the shared laughter, the exchanged whispers of experience, and the strengthening of bonds that breathe life into these customs.
4. Ganga Nemontron & Kola Gach Nemontron (Invitation to Ganges)
On the evening of Holud Kota, the women of the family embark on a special ritual to “invite” the Ganges to the wedding. They seek permission to use its water in the ceremony. Carrying trays adorned with bananas, betel leaves, nuts, Sindoor, and more, these women form a procession. Once they have extended their invitation to the Ganga, they proceed to invite a banana tree as well. An unopened plantain leaf is carefully plucked from the tree and tied to a Dorpon—a significant symbol in this tradition.
5. Dodhi Mongol & Jol Tola
Before the sun rises, a touching tradition takes place during weddings. The mother of the groom and bride lovingly feeds them curd, puffed rice, and sweets, symbolizing their last meal before they start the wedding rituals. From that moment on, they must fast until the wedding concludes. Simultaneously, another group of women heads to the nearby Ganges or water reservoir to collect water for the ceremonial baths. All of these preparations must be completed before sunrise.
6. Bridhhi & Nandi Mukh
In a Bengali wedding, the wedding Pandit conducts a special Puja to invoke the blessings of the bride’s ancestors and Lord Narayan. This traditional ritual, known as Nandi Mukh, is followed by performing the same Puja at the groom’s house. During the Puja, a mixture of previously ground Haldi (turmeric) and rice is used, and then the groom is bathed in Ganga water after applying turmeric paste. The Haldi that has been touched by the groom is then taken to the bride’s house, where it is used for her Gaye Holud ceremony.
7. Gaye Holud
After the groom’s family presents the bride’s family with turmeric paste and a wedding tattoo, which includes clothes, sweets, Paan-Supari (a mixture of betel leaf and areca nut), and fish, the women in the bride’s family apply the same turmeric paste to her. She is then bathed with holy Ganga water. During the Haldi ceremony, a Bengali bride typically wears a yellow cotton saree. The occasion also involves playful moments of applying turmeric paste among family and friends.
8. Bor Jatri (Baraat)
The ‘Bor Jatri‘ or baraat is a joyous procession where the groom’s friends and family, dressed in their finest attire like Banarasi Saree, and Kurta Pajama sing and dance their way to the wedding venue. Upon arrival, they receive a warm welcome from the bride’s family, with her mother leading the reception, offering aarti, sweets, and drinks.
9. Subho Drishti (First Glance)
After completing the traditional ‘Saat Paak‘ circles, the bride and groom are brought together in the ‘Subho Dhristi‘ ritual. Here, the bride gently lowers betel leaves and gazes at her groom’s face for the first time. This beautiful moment is celebrated with joyous cheers from their families, accompanied by the sound of conch shells and ululations.
10. Somprodan (Giving Away ritual)
During the wedding ceremony, an important ritual called ‘Somprodan‘ takes place. This is when the bride’s father, or a respected male family member, formally gives her away to the groom. As they exchange vows, their hands are bound together with a sacred thread while Vedic chants fill the air. This symbolic gesture signifies their union and the thread remains tied throughout the rest of the wedding celebration.
11. Saat Paak (Bride’s arrival)
In a traditional Bengali wedding, there is a beloved ritual called the ‘Saat Paak.’ During this ceremony, the bride sits on a low stool while her brothers carry her in a circle around the groom. To add to the charm, she playfully hides her face with betel leaves throughout the seven rounds.
12. Saptapadi – The Seven Important Steps
This ritual may resemble Saat Phere, but it’s quite different! During this ceremony, the bride steps on seven betel leaves arranged in a line on the ground. The groom follows, using his feet to move a cylindrical stone called a nora. But before all this, there is a special moment where the bride’s saree pallu is tied to the patta bastra of the groom. This connection is known as gatchhora.
13. Sindoor Daan – Smearing the Vermillion
On the day of the wedding, after a series of rituals, comes the Sindur daan ritual. It is when the groom applies vermillion on the bride’s hair parting using a ring, Dorpon, or a small cane box.
14. Bashor Jaaga & Biday
After the wedding, the newlywed couple spends the entire night engaged in fun-filled activities with family members.
On the next day, the family of the new bride bids her farewell as she departs her parental home for a new life with her groom. The entire atmosphere is filled with mixed emotions of joy and sadness.
15. BASHI BIYE
This term combines the words “Bashi” meaning Stale, and “Biye” meaning wedding. So, Bashi Biye refers to a “Stale wedding.” It is a special ceremony that takes place between the newly married couple the morning after their wedding.
16. Bodhu Baran
Bodhu Boron holds a special significance. It marks the moment when the newly wedded bride is warmly welcomed into her new family alongside her husband.
During this ritual, the groom’s mother performs an aarti and invites the bride to step onto a vessel filled with milk and alta. With this symbolic act, the bride takes her first steps into her new home.
17. Bou Bhat (Reception):
The boubhat rituals begin with Bhat-Kapor, where the groom presents the bride with a silk saree or cotton saree, lac dye, sindur, and a plate of cooked food, symbolizing his promise to care for her forever. The bride receives blessings from her life partner before the boubhat ceremony begins. This ritual revolves around cooking and serving the first meal at the in-law’s house, although technically others do the cooking. Occasionally, the bride participates in cooking for a short period of time. Once all the dishes are prepared, the bride serves food to the groom’s relatives.
18. Phool-sajya
After the guests depart and the bride and groom have their dinner with the groom’s family, it is time for the final tradition of a Bengali wedding. Known as “phool-sajya,” this custom involves decorating the bed in the newlywed couple’s room with beautiful flowers.
